I still remember....

Memories! wow! how strong are they? I must say they are like your very own shadows. Never leave you, in fact stubborn and adamant. The harder you think of not thinking about the tougher they become.

I still remember....

Walking with my dad and mom on the Tank Bund roads ... my daddy holding my lil finger

I still remember....

My resentfulness towards my newborn little brother, fearing lesser attention to me ( Absurd right!)

I still remember....

My parents trying hard to take that feeling off of my head

I still remember....

Doing little mean things to my cute lil brother ...wasn't really mean but was funny how he got back to me

I still remember....

Taking every advantage of being an elder sister...bossing around.

I still remember...

Growing together, fighting, playing, teasing, protecting each other, caring, but yet again teasing, fighting...

I still remember...

The last day that I saw my dad alive... a tired look on his face ...a strong sense in my head - telling me something terrible is going to happen...but my stubborn optimism trying to prove my sixth sense wrong.

I still remember....

The moment I heard the TERRIBLE NEWS....and the mixed feelings of PAIN, Anger, Confusion, Grief,Sorrow, fear of not seeing him anymore, grinding me...spinning my head. Gasping for breath I laid there sobbing...trying to cry out loud, trying to scream till I deafen my own ears, trying to weep till I faint and not have to see all this happening, cursing GOD and begging him to change what just happened and wishing it was a real bad DREAM

I still remember....

The kid coming home in the middle of school...confused...not knowing what happened...looking at people sobbing... and trying to guess what happened....though young, smart enough to guess the terrible thing...and sobbing all by himself....looking for a comforting soul...

I was weak. I was scared. I was confused. I was sad. I was irresponsible. The little kid needed me then. I saw it in his eyes. But I was too busy worrying about myself. I hated myself for doing that. In fact I still do....It would have made a great difference to the kid. He would have felt much secured. He would have felt lesser pain. He would have been closer ...much closer than he is...he would have felt comforted, consoled, calm.

I still remember.... I Don't want to ...but I will never be able to...